Dirty four letter words
I'm talking about work. Yes, I should wash my mouth out with soap, but allow me to vent a little. I like the people I work with. There's no bullshit or drama among us. We don't talk about each other behind the others back... no, we rib them while they're there. It breaks the seemingly dark cloud that hangs over us.
You see, we're committed to support, and by committed I mean we say we're committed. We don't actually put resources into it, and it's starting to show. I see it in myself, and my coworkers. I feel it at the end of the day when I quite literally feel like I'm being pulled from thousand different directions. A few years ago, I'd have been able to just buckle down and plow through it... working insane hours till it got done. I'm having a hard time doing that anymore, and that's what bothers me. I'm going against my work ethic because I can't see any rewards in the long run. I take my job very personally, which is probably why I shouldn't be a paramedic.
And maybe work isn't the issue. Maybe it's me that's the problem and I just don't want to admit it. At the end of the day, I really can't change how management chooses to direct the company. I can only change me. Going to the gym is one change, which I sorely need. I didn't go yesterday due to being busy and just general malaise. But what other changes can I make? I doubt I can clone myself anytime soon, and really, I wouldn't want to since I'm a precious and unique snowflake.
So, I'm at my wits end. The only thing I can do right now is just bunker down, and weather the storm. Like all things, this too shall pass. Perhaps on the other side I'll find some enlightenment and certainly, I'll find more issues. And maybe, just maybe I'll figure out what I need to change about me. I can't fix the world, but I can fix me.
You see, we're committed to support, and by committed I mean we say we're committed. We don't actually put resources into it, and it's starting to show. I see it in myself, and my coworkers. I feel it at the end of the day when I quite literally feel like I'm being pulled from thousand different directions. A few years ago, I'd have been able to just buckle down and plow through it... working insane hours till it got done. I'm having a hard time doing that anymore, and that's what bothers me. I'm going against my work ethic because I can't see any rewards in the long run. I take my job very personally, which is probably why I shouldn't be a paramedic.
And maybe work isn't the issue. Maybe it's me that's the problem and I just don't want to admit it. At the end of the day, I really can't change how management chooses to direct the company. I can only change me. Going to the gym is one change, which I sorely need. I didn't go yesterday due to being busy and just general malaise. But what other changes can I make? I doubt I can clone myself anytime soon, and really, I wouldn't want to since I'm a precious and unique snowflake.
So, I'm at my wits end. The only thing I can do right now is just bunker down, and weather the storm. Like all things, this too shall pass. Perhaps on the other side I'll find some enlightenment and certainly, I'll find more issues. And maybe, just maybe I'll figure out what I need to change about me. I can't fix the world, but I can fix me.
posted by Serdic at 08:07
6 Comments:
Hang in there buddy. Times they are a changing.
I feel your pain though. I had youthful asperations, bright eyed and bushy tailed when I started here. Years of drawing crappy projects, no raises and virtually no feedback other than negative takes care of that though. I used to have initiative and do side projects on my own time just to make things better because I believed it would make a difference. Getting shot down a few times sucks the fun out of that though.
You actually have more options that just changing yourself. If you aren't happy with the direction that your company is going,and the general attitude, you can work at finding your different career path. Unfortunately the only way that you will ever be able to control your work area is to start your own business. ;) I was in a similar situation where I didn't like the decisions that my program was making, and my strategy was just to develop lots of hobbies in my off-time to take my mind off of it, and then to jump on a new job opportunity when it arose. You're single and you don't have any kids, that makes you pretty mobile. Are you happy in general where you live?
I'll be back helping you guys with issues next week! Does that make you feel better!!!
Yeah, Foran it does, but not cause you're taking issues. A lot of days, the best part about the day is the people I immediately work with.
I remember when I'd spend a weekend learning how our makefiles work, or just trying to do ninja fixes here and there. I see the guys who have been there 10 and 15 years, and wonder what do they see that I'm missing. I think the answer is they've been there 10 and 15 years, and they've firmly entrenched themselves. Perhaps they're institutionalized. Perhaps I'm institutionalized.
People that have been there 10 to 15 years probably see a lot less than someone who is newer. The longer that we are in an environment, the less we notice about it. The best time to notice a need for change is in your first few months in an organization. After that everything becomes accepted and part of the normal routine, an inconvenience that you just deal with. It gets worse the longer you stay somewhere. For most people that is, for those who haven't had the life sucked out of them by work, it's pretty depressing to try to push against inertia. Hmm, I need ice cream now. :P
I recognize that I'm trying to swim upstream here. Probably best just to change my name to Sisyphus. For some reason I keep trying, despite knowing better.
I need a vacation.
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